As a parent, nothing is more heartbreaking than seeing your child in pain or being mistreated. If your teen is in an abusive relationship, you may feel angry, helpless, or unsure where to turn.
Here are important steps you can take as a parent to safeguard your child and give them the legal protection, resources, and knowledge they need.
Know The Signs Of Teen Dating Abuse
Teen dating abuse is a form of domestic violence. Among high schoolers who have dated in the last year, one in 12 have experienced physical dating violence, and one in 10 have experienced sexual violence, according to the CDC.
Abuse isn’t always physical. It can be emotional, psychological, or sexual. It can happen face-to-face or online. Here are some warning signs that your teen might be in an abusive relationship:
- Unexplained injuries or frequent bruises
- Fear of upsetting their boyfriend or girlfriend
- Isolation from friends or family
- Becoming secretive
- Constant texting or pressure to respond quickly
- Changes in mood or appearance
- Trouble making decisions
- Sudden changes in school performance, including grades and participation in activities
- Alcohol or substance use
If something feels off, trust your instincts. Teens often hide the truth out of fear, shame, or a belief that they’re in love.
Step 1: Talk To Your Child Without Judgment
Before you do anything else, sit down with your teen. Stay calm. Your goal isn’t to interrogate – it’s to listen.
Use open-ended questions and focus on their feelings and safety. Discuss what a healthy relationship looks like to foster communication and trust. Even if they don’t feel comfortable engaging in a conversation, they’re still listening.
Avoid criticizing their partner directly. Teens may shut down or defend the abuser.
If your teen doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you, help them find someone they feel they can talk to. Give your teen resources they can use to learn about abuse and how to get help.
Love is Respect is a great resource from the National Domestic Violence Hotline. It gives young adults support, resources, and education to prevent or disrupt unhealthy relationships and abuse. Teens can learn about healthy relationships and how to spot unhealthy or abusive behaviors. Teenagers can also call the help line or chat online 24/7 with a trained peer advocate.
Step 2: Keep A Record Of Everything
Keep a written log and copies of:
- Threats or incidents of abuse (include dates, times, and details)
- Behavior or interactions you observe that may constitute abuse, harassment, or stalking
- Police reports
- Medical records if treatment is necessary
- Protective orders or court documents
- Any screenshots or photos related to abuse or harassment
This documentation can help if you need to go to court later.
Step 3: Involve Law Enforcement And Medical Professionals When Necessary
If your child is in immediate danger, call 911. Even if it’s not an emergency, contact your local police department if your child:
- Has suffered sexual abuse or physical harm
- Is being harassed online or in person
- Has been threatened or blackmailed
Prioritize your child’s safety and health. If you suspect sexual or physical abuse has occurred, make sure your child receives treatment from a primary care doctor, OB/GYN, or other medical provider.
Step 4: Consider A Civil Protective Order
If your child wants to end the relationship, or has done so already, but there are concerns the abuser will not leave them alone, a protective order may be the next step. Also known as a restraining order, this court order is designed to protect people from intimate partner violence, stalking, harassment, grooming, or sexual offenses.
Laws vary by state. Generally, parents can seek a protective order on their child’s behalf. Depending on the state and the abuser’s age, this may need to be done through juvenile court.
This court order can prohibit the abuser from all contact with your child and require them to stay away from your child’s home, school, and/or workplace. If the order is violated, police can arrest the abuser, who may face jail time.
Step 5: Protect Your Child’s Digital Life
Abusers often use technology to harass, stalk, or control their victims. Help your child:
- Change passwords for social media, email, and phones
- Turn off location sharing on apps like Snapchat or Find My iPhone
- Block the abuser’s number and social accounts
- Document threatening messages – screenshots can be used in court
If the harassment continues, contact police and seek a restraining order if you haven’t already.
Step 6: Talk To School Officials
Schools are legally required to address harassment and dating violence to keep your child safe. They must also have policies in place regarding dating violence.
Schedule a meeting with a school counselor, social worker, or administrator. Share what’s happening and ask what steps the school can take to protect your child.
The school may:
- Increase supervision in areas where your child may encounter the abuser to prevent contact
- Adjust schedules or classes to create distance
- Establish a safe reporting system to help your child disclose concerns or fears to trusted adults at school and get support
- Provide counseling or mental health support
Ask the school to document everything. This creates a record that could be helpful if legal action becomes necessary.
Step 7: Consider Counseling
Your child may need therapy to heal from the trauma of abuse. Without help during this critical time, your child may have an increased risk of depression, self-harm, and other long-term risks. Therapy can help them not only heal from what’s happened, but also prevent a cycle of intimate partner violence and risky behavior.
Look for a licensed counselor or therapist who has experience with teen relationships and trauma recovery.
Keeping your teen safe from abuse and preventing long-term harm requires a nuanced approach. Using the legal system when necessary is important, but it’s only one part of an effective response. These steps can help you respond to an abusive relationship and give your teen the support and resources they need to recognize what’s happening.