Teen dating violence is something no parent wants to consider. It’s hard enough to accept that your baby is growing up and having what might seem like truly adult experiences. But the thought that puppy love could turn into something as serious and as damaging as dating violence can be heartbreaking. 

The unfortunate truth is that many teenagers do experience violence and abuse from their dating partners. If this happens, your child, who isn’t equipped to navigate something like this in the midst of new, intense, and complicated feelings, needs you more than ever. You’re not just there to help them; you’re a crucial lifeline in preventing and addressing a formative experience that could turn into juvenile crimes ugly fast. 

If You See Something, Say Something: Talking to Your Teen About Red Flags 

One of the most powerful tools parents have is open and honest communication. It’s not easy, but creating an environment where your teen feels comfortable talking to you about anything and everything, including their relationships, will give you the best opportunity to steer them away from danger. 

For you, this means being a good listener. Ask your teen open-ended questions about their dates, partners, and feelings about their relationships. Offer a nonjudgmental ear and validate their feelings even when you need to make your disagreement known. 

Most importantly, make it abundantly clear that they can always come to you with any concerns, big or small, if something doesn’t feel right, without fear of dismissal. Keeping a sensitive, ongoing dialogue with your teen builds trust and makes it more likely that they’ll seek you out when they’re in trouble. 

Defining Healthy and Unhealthy: Helping Your Teen Internalize the Right Expectations 

Teens are often bombarded with unrealistic and sometimes unhealthy portrayals of relationships in the media. It’s your role to help them understand what a healthy relationship truly looks like, with respect, equality, trust, mutual support, and consent as foundational elements. 

Remember your first crush and how vulnerable those new and intense emotions made you feel. A bad actor can take advantage of this naivete to truly, and sometimes intimately, hurt your teen. 

Take the time to educate your teen on the red flags of unhealthy or abusive relationships, like controlling behavior, jealousy, possessiveness, verbal abuse, intimidation, isolation from friends and family, and physical threats or violence. Help them recognize that these behaviors are never acceptable, no matter how in love they might be.

Sussing Out Your Child’s Partner and Establishing Guardrails 

While it’s important to respect your teen’s privacy, make it clear that you’d like to get to know their partner. If you spend time with a potential abuser, you might see the signs that something is off more clearly than your teen can. 

Invite your child’s partner over to your home and observe their interactions with your child to gain insight into their relationship dynamics. Pay attention to how the partner treats your teen and how your teen behaves around them. Trust your instincts, but balance that with not being overly intrusive.

As a parent, it’s your responsibility to set clear expectations and boundaries regarding dating. Stay consistent with rules about curfews, who they can date, and where they can go. Offer advice to help them enforce boundaries within the relationship itself, like their right to say no.

While some teens may push back against these rules, they ultimately provide security and demonstrate your care. 

Empowering Your Teen to Keep Themselves Safe

You can’t protect your child forever, as much as any parent might like to. But teaching them about healthy relationships now — and intervening if you see something that isn’t right — lays the groundwork for them to have safe, fulfilling relationships as they enter adulthood.